Wednesday, July 13, 2011

No Chills in the Summer

First posted on July 13th, 2011 on The Rotting Flesh Radio Podcast and Blog - CW post link

          Okay, I realize that I’m a new guy here in the Casket Crew. The last thing that I would want to do is make waves while you ghouls are just getting to know me but sometimes I’ve just got to speak my mind. So at the risk of being controversial I’m just going to come right out and say it; I think Halloween should be in the autumn. That isn’t to say that we shouldn’t celebrate that spooky holiday 365 days a year. Of course we should. I just believe that fear works best when kept cool.

          I was driving through the countryside with my werewolf bride today, it was about 86 degrees outside and we had the windows down. The sky was blue, the sun was shining and there was hardly a cloud in the sky. As I looked across the fields of green grass, blooming flowers and singing songbirds, the thought hit me. Boy, do I hate summer.

          It seems strange that I would despise a season that everyone else seems to love but I do. To begin with I hate the heat and always have. Not only does the heat rear its ugly head in the summer but so does it’s source. The horrible, horrible sun. Because of my pale “redhead” skin, I sunburn very easily and in fact can sunburn while sitting in the shade. Some days, when I walk outside into sunlight it’s all I can do to keep from pulling my cloak over my face and hissing. All that being said, the worst thing about summer has to be the fact that it feels so far away from everything creepy. The days get longer, the nights get shorter and the streets fill up with the one thing I really do fear. Other people. I always miss the chill in the air, the early sunsets, the wind blowing dead leaves across the sidewalk as they rustle around your feet. All these things announce to me the impending arrival of trick or treat, of bobbing for apples and of costume parties. In short the arrival of Halloween.

          Horror in general is at its eerie best in the fall. Monsters strike while school is in session. Ancient horrors return with the harvest moon and unless you happen to be at a summer camp, it is the height of poor taste to be a slasher in the summertime. One of the only things about summer that I appreciate are the barbeques and they RARELY get invaded by zombies. There are no vampire pool parties (or baseball games!) And creatures of unspeakable evil from the darkest depths of Hell do not enjoy flying kites. Fall is the time for bonfires for ghost stories and for the heavy consumption of alcohol, followed by the casual sex that will lead to your grisly doom.

          I hope I haven’t made any enemies out there. I’m sure that I’m not the only one who wishes for cold rain, biting wind and grey skies. Who longs for the day that the watermelons in the fields are replaced with pumpkins…Who dreams of fall.

          There are a lot of things at home in the bright sunny summertime. Children’s animated movies for instance! I’m just saying, if I end up being slaughtered by a cruel and twisted maniac neither alive nor dead with a rotted heart full of rage and revenge, then that would be bad. If this same slaughter happens and I also have to be hot and sweaty with the sun in my eyes? That just seems unnatural.

          Until next time…Sit Back Relax and Rot Away…and have a nice day!

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