National Puppet Radio Interviews Super Grover

First posted on May 13th, 2012 on The Cold Slither Podcast - CW post link

          These days everyone is talking about heroes. Everything from powerless real world vigilantes, to big budget comic book superheroes, on the big screen. The costumed crusader is all the rage in America. But what about those that fall into the gray area? Heroes who are actually out there, on the streets making a difference and doing so with powers that most people consider the stuff of fantasy!

          Today I have been given unprecedented access to one such, real life super hero; that champion of Metro City, Super Grover. Reporting for National Puppet Radio, I’m Rhett Kahn.

          After about an hour of Super Grover trying to assist me with things like crossing the street and buying a gallon of milk (all of which he did shockingly wrong) I was finally able to convince him that I was a reporter. The reporter. The one that spoke to him on the phone earlier…about the interview that I was trying to do. He stared at me in silence for about 5 minutes before he finally “got it” but after he did we were on our way.

          I ask him to explain a little bit about what he does…what it’s like to be a superhero

          “Well, you never really get used to it…the random interactions, the constant cries for help…even getting the strength to run through my paper logo every day, can really take it out of you. And in between everything else I have to make time occasionally to fight for truth, justice and the furry blue monster way!”

          “Every day, every night I patrol, handing out my own kind of justice to bad manners, forgetfulness and confusion whenever they make the mistake of crossing my path.”

          I tell him how much I admire his desire to help those around him…to overcome these problems.

          “No, no my friend. You see, this is not your precious real world, with it’s metaphors and abstract concepts. That is not how things work out here on the mean streets of PBS. What I mean is that hideous, monstrous, living embodiments of these things are out there; threatening to attack the proud citizens of Metro City and I, Super Grover! Am the only one who can stop them!”

          “The life of a sentry is not an easy one….even for someone as vigilant, fearless, ruthless and adorably furry and blue as me! This helmet isn’t just for looks kid. There have been nights when I absolutely got the stuffing beaten out of me, but I always won in the end. Justice…has to win.”

          I suggest that instead of speaking into the electric meter, talking into the microphone that I’m holding might allow him to be heard more clearly you know when he’s on the radio.

          Super Grover seemed taken aback. “You mean I, Super Grover! Am going to be on the radio??”

          I once again, explain to him that yes millions of people are excitedly waiting for him to be on the radio.

          “But you see this is quite impossible. There is no way that I could be on the radio, I am much to large and the radio would surely become broken…I could not live with myself if I broke your radio, and with so many people watching.”

          I take off my glasses and rub the bridge of my nose in a classic (and hilarious) straight-man reaction shot.

          The rest of the interview continued on in this fashion and slowly I began to realize that this hero might not be the sharpest tool in the shed. Sure, we all owe him a debt of gratitude for his long public service and the responsible way that he roughs up two-bit thugs on a regular basis, but in terms of an interview he might not be what this reporter was looking for. After all, everyone knows that public radio and public television is staffed with nothing but the smartest and most sophisticated members of society and the people we feature need to be of that caliber.

          Snapping to attention Super Grover suddenly pointed behind me, shouting, “What is that! Why it is a giant, talking lobster!!”

          I quickly turned scanning the skyline in an attempt to spot the creepy crustacean but it was no use. Try as I might, I couldn’t see it anywhere. And when I turned around the super powered Muppet was gone. In his place was mild mannered, ace doorknob salesman Grover Kent a very un heroic furry blue monster, different from Super Grover in every possible way.

          And so, after buying a large order of doorknobs (he really was quite the salesman) I began to make my way home, proud to have been able to meet a hero such as Super Grover. And it is a comfort to know that somewhere out there, he watches…ever ready to spot crime and to stop it. Making the streets just a little bit safer for the rest of us. Unlike Grover Kent, who, when last I saw him was trying to sell doorknobs to a phone booth. What a weirdo.

          For National Puppet Radio, I’m Rhett Kahn.

National Puppet Radio Talks with Bert

First posted on June 1st, 2011 on The Retroist Retro Blog and Podcast - CW post link

In this fast paced world of TV on demand, social networking, and the internet at your fingertips, it seems like we are all constantly chasing the nest great fad. And while hot trends may change as fast as the technology that delivers them, It keeps us all constantly trying to keep up. There is, however, an emerging group of people who have a very different outlook. National Puppet Radio’s own Rhett Kahn spoke with one such young person.


I caught up to Bert Wilson in a small diner next to a place called Hooper‘s Store. Bert is a tall, thin guy in his early 30’s with a small shock of black hair on top of his head. Wearing what I have to admit is one of the ugliest striped shirts I have ever seen.

Bert: “oh, you like the shirt huh? I saw it in a store and it was so delightfully plain, I had to have it!”


See, Bert has one thing that sets him apart from most people these days, he likes boring things. Our Mr. Wilson is a part of a small but growing group of people who love the mundane.


Bert: “For me it was never really a conscious decision, for as long as I can remember I have always been drawn to the drab, while other kids were buying video games and the coolest action figures I was starting to really get into rubber stamp carving, and Bottle Cap collecting.”


He chuckles to himself then.


“Yeah the Bottle Caps, I guess there are some things you never really outgrow.”


This is no exaggeration, Bert has brought along 5 binders completely full of bottle caps.


“This is just a small portion of my collection, sigh, I could just look at them for hours! There are blue ones, some really great green ones and a few with orange and pink stripes, overall though this one has to be my favorite.”


He opens a page that contains, at its center a single bottle cap. The cap is a non-descript grey, with the simple word “soda” across the middle.


“Is this not the most generic bottle cap you have ever seen in your life. A cap like this comes along once in a lifetime. I had to trade my entire ceramic turtle collection for this baby!”


With all of these eccentricities its hard to picture anyone quite like Burt Wilson, but they are out there. And there are more of them every day!


“I first started meeting other Mundaners through my love of pigeons. I saw a flyer at our local Dry Cleaners for a meeting of pigeon enthusiasts. At first I didn’t want to go, but in the end temptation got the better of me. The first time Bernice (Burt’s pet pigeon) and I walked into that meeting we were in heaven. All those people, all those pigeons. And from there the sky was the limit through pigeon friends I met all sorts of other groups. There is Linoleum Lovers on Thursday nights and we exchange polaroids of really great countertops go on linoleum scavenger hunts and what not… it’s the new Train Spotting! Last month I even met a girl… She makes the best oatmeal I’ve ever had. Just the right about of lumps Connie is a real keeper. Believe me it’s not as easy as it sounds to really connect with somebody. A lot of things could go wrong. What if she doesn’t like the letter W…what if she’s not into the number 11. You are really rolling the dice with the singles scene these days.


The forming of these groups would be much easier if any of them actually used the internet. But this movement seems to have shunned things like twitter and facebook for more old fashioned style communication. Flyers, newsletters and even HAM radio connect these folks.


It may not be as fast as most people would like but I think there is more than enough “fast” out there.”


When I ask if he gets irritated by people that do things the more accepted way he says he isn’t.


“I happen to live with someone who is the embodiment of the modern trendy life. My roommate Ernie loves all this stuff, electronics pop culture TV and music. ESPECIALLY music. Ernie never lets up, he isn’t just a music fan he is a songwriter too and he doesn’t ever stop singing. Most of the time he even sings in the bath. No, not the shower he actually sings while he takes baths. Worse still he is constantly trying to get me to sing along with him!”


I ask if he ever does sing along with Ernie, and he hesitates.


“That’s not important. What is important is that just because we don’t enjoy the same things as the “cool people” doesn’t mean were unhappy, we boring people like the way we live! Ernie is my best friend and I love spending time with him and sure, I may Occasionally get drawn into one of his ridiculous hair-brained conversations, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t also want to have some alone time too! You know, to do what guys do; organize your driftwood dust your stamp collection, that sort of thing. I mean how often can you listen to the Banana in the Ear Joke?”

 “I’m not a total weirdo. I’m made of the same felt and foam as everyone else, and I even watch TV, there are some really great programs out there. I saw a really great documentary about drywall the other day. And of course, I never miss the Lawrence Welk Show, it’s still as relevant as ever, and really good polka helps you know your alive.”


Bert looks down suddenly at two tiny wires that seem to be holding up and controlling his arms, he seems to be distracted for a moment but quickly gets back on track. We spoke for a little while longer and I was on my way.


And as I left I began to appreciate the simpler things in life. It was a sunny day, the air was sweet and everything in general seemed A-Okay. As for me I cant tell you how to get to the place in life where you can appreciate things like toasters and paper-clips, but I can tell you this. I gotta get myself a pigeon!


For National Puppet Radio, I’m Rhett Kahn.