My Geeky First Times.
A league of extraordinary bloggers post.

It’s no secret that I’m a suave, debonair “geek-about-town.” It’s been that way for a long time and I’ve become quite accustomed to the lifestyle.
I can send chills up a retro console system’s spine just by entering a cheat code. It works every time…isn’t even hard.

At a comic convention, I can leave with any trade paperback I want regardless of who she showed up with.

I’ve literally had vintage action figures fight over me. It’s embarrassing but let’s face it. It’s pretty hot.

Despite the walking geek catnip you see before you today I have some shocking news. It wasn’t always like this. Like the rest of you there was a time that my “encounters” with geek pop culture were my first times. And even for me, first times can be crushing, scarring and so humiliating that there is nothing else to do but recount the awkward and embarrassing moments in a blog!

My first time with Video Games.

It was a dark and stormy night. No seriously it was dark and stormy. At four years old I was a mere claymation were pup and woke up, scared by the thunder. The house was totally dark and silent. I walked the halls yelling for my parents who were nowhere to be found. Beginning to panic, I eventually made my way to the front door and walked out into the yard of our apartment complex. Somewhere between my wandering and sobbing I somehow attracted the attention of my parents who were at our neighbors, two houses down.  The neighbors had invited my parents over for a night of fun playing their brand new Atari home video game system!

By all accounts my parents had a great time. The Atari was new! Exiting! And it was the first one on the block! It was the kind of thing that would change the way that my parents looked at home gaming! It mesmerized them! They loved it so much that nothing could distract them from the Atari experience. Even an abandoned, and frightened child.

My first time with a Haunted House:

Children of my generation watched a lot of horror movies. We weren’t so protected back then. I consider the 1980’s  the silver age of horror. The slasher movement was in full force and kids loved it. We not only liked the movies, we idolized the monsters themselves. Jason Vorhees, Michael Myers and Freddy Krueger were pop culture superstars! I saw things no differently and had a bedroom covered with posters of my favorite homicidal maniacs, both homemade and carefully removed from issues of Fangoria and mad monster party.
One would thing with that kind of appreciation for the darker side of life that if I were given the chance to come face to face with my favorite monsters I would be overjoyed! My parents thought I would when they drove me to a local haunted house that featured the monsters of my favorite movies.

As I walked the haul of the haunt each door opened, revealing a killer ready to strike. It was a blur of hockey masks knives and chainsaws, at least for the first couple of seconds before I looked down and clenched my eyes shut. For good. All the way home I hated myself and re-lived me defeat. I imagined going through the haunted house again with a bunch of fake weapons. This time I would scare them! I wouldn’t let fear control me ever again! It was time to do things my way.
I never set foot in another haunted house for 15 years.

My first time with Action Figures.

Picture it. I was back at that apartment complex that I mentioned in the story about my parents abandoning me for a video game. I had a friend that lived a few apartments down named Dwight. Dwight was the best. He was five years older than me and I thought he was just about the coolest guy around.
He listened to cool music. He dressed cool and he had really cool toys that I had never seen before. They were called Masters of the Universe! I had never seen the action figures or even the cartoon but it was love at first sight! The armor, the weapons the awesome vehicles and weird mutant bad guys. Because he was so cool Dwight let me borrow a huge portion of his collection and I got to take them home for the night and play with them. What Dwight hadn’t counted on was that I was a chewer and within a short time I had flattened the fingers of several of the Eternian warriors.
My parents were humiliated and had to buy Dwight all new He-Man toys. On the plus side I got to keep the ruined action figures and that experience set my love of action figures into action. It was also the first time I got a real taste for Masters Of The Universe. Taste. See what I did there?

So…there it is. My fumbling awkward first times with geekdom. It was tough to relive those moments but now that I’ve done it, it feels pretty liberating. But enough about my inexperienced past. Lets talk about my VERY experienced present.

Oh and to those limited edition Monster Cereal Bobble-heads I see across the room? I’ve been noticing you noticing me.

How you doin‘?

Meanwhile, At league of extraordinary bloggers headquarters!!

The goodwill geek tells the story of a birthday part that set him off on a slippery (but awesome) slope!!!

Miss M at diary of a dorkette met She-Ra for the first time. And the rest was history!

Lee and Linz at Pop Rewind tell some great "first video games" stories!

Ram-Man and Shadow Weaver makes a Cosplay Splash at Pittsburgh Comicon

First posted on May 2, 2012 on The Retroist Retro Blog and Podcast - CW post link

This week I decided to do something a little different. Rather than review a cartoon, I want to present to you a time that I recently became one. As some of you know I attend the Pittsburgh Comicon every year and (thanks to my darling, cosplay loving wife Leslie aka PhishBon3s) I usually go in costume.
This year I had a spark of inspiration! Given that there aren’t a ton of hero types for a teapot kinda guy like myself (short and stout) one character finally dawned on me. One of my favorite (if dim-witted) heroes of the Masters of the Universe and one of the most controversial toys in the classic MOTU line; Ram-Man!

My darling wife spent months working and slaving over sewing machines and hot glue guns. We made more trips than I would like to remember, to Jo-Ann Fabrics (I should really win some kind of medal of honor for the amount of fabric cutting lines I had to stand in).

Leslie brilliantly chronicles the good natured “can-do” spirit that I maintained through the process, in this hilarious comic:


After all was said and done I really enjoyed dressing up like Ram-Man (a character I was BORN to play), I even like putting on the armor during the fittings!



Leslie portrayed the dark and mysterious villainess, Shadow Weaver (I’ve always had a thing for the bad girls) and she took to the project immediately.

Finally the costumes were done and we set out on our trip to the beautiful city of Pittsburgh, PA. The drive was peaceful and we even saw a fox on the way there! We arrived and got dressed in a parking lot (pretty normal for me actually, clothes are for squares) and entered the convention. After stepping into the con, we made a bee-line for the pamplet table and left a stack of Retroist newsletters, CW windowclings and magnets; all of which were scooped up quickly. Thankfully we kept restocking it throughout the day!

Immediately we got a lot of attention. People where overjoyed that among the latest and greatest in comic book and pop culture nerdery they got to see some characters straight out of their childhood! (Somebody really oughta create a website to capitalize on this nostalgia thing)

While most people called Leslie Orko…Orko! ….enough times to depress any dark sorceress.



…She made an immediate friend in a kindred spirit named Sarah Jane. Sarah turned out to be a huge fan of the old She-Ra cartoons. She had herself cosplayed previously as Catra and recognized Shadow Weaver immediately. The two hit it off immediately



(Sarah was also in an amazing throwback costume, brilliantly portraying the devious, whip-wielding villainess Cat Woman!)



Already plans have been made between the two of them to coordinate a future convention appearance together. Cosplay world, look out!

As you can probably tell from the photograph; Leslie went the extra mile with her costume, not only making Shadow Weaver’s eyes actually glow, she created several eye plates that could be quickly replaced to show a wide range of emotions!

We met a ton of great people at the convention (sadly I didn’t think to exchange contact info with any of them) A wonderful couple that each posed for a picture with us separately and a great Green Lantern!


The con was a huge success. We even won second place in the “group” contest against some amazing competition. We had never even planned on entering the contest and only did, after the third time that someone wished us luck in it!



So that’s about it; we left the convention feeling great, made some new friends and saw a lot of great merchandise and costumes. I picked up a few great dvd sets from my childhood and even the drive home was lovely! (We saw a coyote on the way home…weird!)

The Pittsburgh Comicon was and always is a great time! I’m already looking forward to next years trip (I have no idea what kind of costume project my Mrs has planned for me.) Nevertheless, you should really check out this convention and if you wanna meet up, get in touch with me! I’d love to meet you. And also feel free to contact me if we actually did meet this year.

Until next time, stay retro friends!

Pittsburgh Comicon is over and we had a great time! I passed out some promotional merchandise for the blog: Window Clings...stickers and magnets and they seem to have gone over really well. If anybody is new to the site and found me through my PittCon freebies, feel free to give me a shout, I'd love to hear from you!

Masters of the Ponyverse!

First posted on January 11th, 2012 on The Retroist Retro Blog and Podcast - CW post link

In those shadowy and mysterious 10 years known to some as the 1980’s cartoons ruled the day. Stockbrokers would rush away from their offices to catch the latest episode of Heathcliff, GI Joe addiction clinics sprung up in most suburban areas and some of the PSA’s at the end of Brave Star episodes actually led to the ends of multinational conflicts. Among the titans that brought these hits to television was Hasbro which found a huge cartoon hit with a successful toy-line called My Little pony. But what you must remember friends is that, believe it or not, in those dark days before Brony nation, pony fandom was girl’s territory and was watched by almost no boys Network President Timothy Hasbro, wanted to change that.



Courtesy of My Little Brony

 At this same time a young upstart show by the name of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe was taking America by storm being that Masters had an almost entirely male persuasion. A strong effort was made in an attempt to woo the other fifty percent of the cartoon watching, toy demanding public. As a result, He-Man was reunited with his (improbably) long lost sister She-Ra The Princess of Power.
 

[via] Action Figure Insider

While the She-Ra toys were purchased by girls, lets face it, the cartoon was still watched by boys. It wasn’t even unusual to find boys wanting to dress as She-Ra at Halloween. And it wasn’t weird…also it was no reason to get rid of all of your son’s Princess of Power action figures, action figures Dad! Not dolls! And it was no reason to make your son try out for football when he wanted to be a cartoonist and maybe write some funny stories. Instead he had to spend his precious after school cartoon-watching time, running laps and practicing some stupid sport that he was never even interested in, in the first place.


Ahem, so in a nutshell…but of these wildly successful examples of the animated arts had a common problem. How do they widen their audience and get the attention, and more importantly money of the opposite sex? The solution was obvious. A crossover! And why not? It had been done before and with wonderful results! The Jetsons met the Flintstones! The Scooby Doo gang met the Harlem Globetrotters (and everyone else in the world) Paula Abdul even met that weird Arseneo Hall cat guy…which now that I think about it, doesn’t have anything to do with this so never mind. This problem needed more than a crossover it needed an entirely new cartoon! After all, He-Man in Ponyville would be ridiculous, by which I mean awesome but unfortunately way ahead of it’s time. No the demanding public of the 1980’s needed something they could believe something they could really sink their teeth into. They needed a He-Man that was himself a Pony! A He-Pony…A Pony-Man…or…Masters of the PonyVerse. Yes! Masters of the PonyVerse!!

 
The resulting brainstorming, character design and storyboarding sessions resulted in what was described as a perfect blend of the two franchises, a sure-fire hit! Unfortunately that description was not given by the studio executives or in fact anyone in any position to purchase produce or broadcast the series. But even so, what a series it was!


The story takes place on the distant planet Barnturnia amid a time of great war. The Barnturnian Royal family faces ruin and the very real chance that their kingdom will be toppled. The Evil forces of Skeletrot have been growing in power and claiming more and more of the lands of Barnturnia for their cruel purposes. Led by wicked and powerful generals such as Trot Jaw and Beast Mane his shadowy armies thunder across the land leaving anguish in their wake. If things didn’t change soon, the shadow of Broodmare Mountain could stretch across all of Barnturnia. Fortunately change was just around the corner. Unfolding in the heart of Barnturnia was an ancient and mysterious legend. The Barnturnian Royal Prince by the name of Adam (they can’t all be Pony style names okay?) had from birth been destined for greatness. There had long been written a legend, a legend of a hero who would deliver the world of Barnturnia out of it’s darkest days. A hero by the name of He-Mane. At the age of 18, in Barnturnian pony-man years, Adam was summoned by the powerful Horseress by the name of…Horseress to the gate of the mysterious castle Grey-Stall. In an awe inspiring and far to complicated to describe here ceremony the Horseress gave to Adam the Lasso Of Barnturnia! When Adam raised the lasso above his head, swirled in around cowboy style and repeated the magic words that he apparently already knew a strange and wondrous transformation took place! Adam’s pink horse blanket disappeared and was replaced with a super butch looking harness. His coat turned from beige to dark beige and his mane became slightly darker blonde! But that wasn’t all! When he spun his lasso of power in the direction of his trust yet cowardly wagon friend, it grew and became the armor plated and much braver Battle Wagon. The best part was that no one in Barnturnia could ever figure out that Adam was He-Mane! Despite the fact that they looked almost identical to each other and they owned the only two green, tiger striped, talking wagons on the entire planet.
Spine tingling and epic adventures in which Skele-Trot and his minions would commit unspeakable acts such as ruining the party games at King Colt’s birthday party or draining the color from all of the flowers in Merry Meadow! In one especially heartbreaking episode Skele-Trot developed a “Bad Day Ray” and Zapped Man at Hooves’ Daughter Tail-la. She then spends almost a whole week in a gloomy grumpy mood. Her friends all try to combat the evil spell, by which I mean they all come up with zany ways to try and cheer her up most of which result in, you guessed it, wacky hijinks! And so it would go. Skele-Trot would come up with a moderately evil scheme using a weoponish device. He-Mane and his loyal friends would all join forces to take on his attack in friendly, safe for all ages, battle and in the end friendship sharing and happiness would win the day! In every episode. Every week!

Believe it or not the show was never aired. A pilot exists online but few aside from those of us in the retro cartoon blog illuminati have ever seen it. There were even toy prototypes created and the photos leaked to the internet. The entire concept seemed so beyond belief that those who have seen them mistook them for homebrew modified my little pony toys. Even the Retroist himself presented one of the Masters of the PonyVerse toys in this fashion. It was out of fear of getting my second verbal reprimand and finding myself on blog-probation that I didn’t question my bosses article. Now however I find myself with the need to speak the truth. For those fans out their who thought My Little Pony could use a lot more sword and sorcery or who always found Masters of the Universe a little bit to bipedal, there are options. Masters of the PonyVerse has found quite the underground following online. There are illustrations, costumes and yes there has even been talk of a PonyVerse videogame! Though that talk mostly came from me and no one seems to have bitten on the concept yet…though if any of you have gaming connections we can make this happen! Huh? Huh?


Though it is nearly impossible to find My Little Pony fan fiction online, my sources tell me that there are some fantastic He-Mane stories out there. I have yet to read any of them however because while I respect people who can spin great fictional stories, I myself try to stick with the facts.

Help The Manchines of Eternia this Christmas!

First posted on December 14th, 2011 on The Retroist Retro Blog and Podcast - CW post link

Citizens of Toontown, fellow Retrotarians. I come to you today during this Christmas season with a personal plea. Recently one of my many connections in the Retro Pop Culture world re-introduced me to some wonderful characters. Characters that stood in the spotlight for one brief moment. Who shared the stage with some of the most influential actors in the history of cartoon entertainment.

Manchines by Christopher Tupa

The Manchines co-starred in the He-man and She-Ra Christmas special and were received with incredible fan-fair. Flush with the excitement of success, the offers started to roll in, and it seemed like the future opened wide. Unfortunately, dreams don’t always come true and their careers took a sharp downward turn. They landed a few endorsement deals, a few knock-off direct to dvd foreign produced cartoons but even that slowly began to fade. All the while they continued to hope for that starring role in an animated series of their own. They always held on to that dream and friends, that is where I hope that one of you can help.

As many children of the 80’s will agree, The He-Man and She-Ra Christmas special is largely, plodding and predicable holiday fair. Really, just another way for Adam and Adora to cash a paycheck …That is, until about halfway through the special when something happens. It’s just one of those little moments of movie magic that changed the history of cinema. It was, the introduction of the Manchines. The Manchines were unlike anything that existed in 80’s animation! They were cute! They were colorful! They were a group of individuals each of who had a distinct personality and special skill to contribute! They uh…they were part man…part machine… The Manchines weren’t just a totally original idea in the world of animation, they had real heart! And they even came with their own enemies; the giant and evil and stiffly-moving Monstroids! These metal giants could transform from uh…transform from robot to vehicle. Anyway, the Monstroids were bad, I mean these guys threatened and attacked Hordak. Hordak! And he was already a bad guy so the Monstroids were like super secret mega zord ultra hyper bad guys! They were like BAD guys!

So the Manchines are everywhere in this movie! Out in front saving the day, working behind the scenes moving and shaking, wheeling and dealing, kicking it…uh…kicking it old school… There are so many amazing characters, where can I begin! There is Cutter (not in the emo/goth way) who has lobster claws for hands that can turn into buzz saws and cut probably anything. There is Zipper “Dr Huxtable” Davis who is the adorable (and not at all hideous and unfortunate monster) robot body fused to a scooter go-kart type vehicle. I have a tendency to OCCASIONALLY make up the odd fact in this blog and I’m not entirely sure what the names of the rest of the crew are so I might take a few liberties with reality for a while.

So Thermostatie, Golf Teela, and Hubbie Capp charge in to battle to defend their friends and kick some ‘way bigger and more powerful than them’ butt! What follows is a confusing collage of robot violence! PisTom uses his head and his powerful thrusting action to smash a Monstroid to pieces! Then Blendergrip and Wenchie-Poo cause one of the most terrible Monstroid (Cobra BigBoots) to fall to his doom! I want to take a second to talk about this scene. More specifically I want to talk about the sad sad case of Wenchie-Poo. Now, Old Wenchie plays a huge role in killing this specific Monstroid but he does it by having Blendergrip unwind the cable in his chest and they use it to trip the Goliath. Now, this is all well and good but it is very difficult to picture another situation in which Wenchie-Poo could be very useful in battle. Wenchie has a spool of metal cable in his chest, some kind of weird handle thing coming out of the back of his head and a wide sturdy base. That’s it. No feet, no weapons, no apparent method of locomotion, just a cable coming out of his chest. These little guys really need your help people!


As the Manchines are basically slapping the Monstroids around, the Wonder twins (She-Ra and He-Man) even get into the act! They begin systematically tearing the Monstroids apart. Including once sweet move where He-Man tangled up one of the Monstroid’s arms, let’s call him TentaArms and the robot monster starts emitting sparks and then blows up.

At the end of the fight, the mighty Monstroids are reduced to a mangled pile of scrap metal. In this scene, The Masters of the Universe, gains the distinction of being the only animated Christmas special in which the heroes slaughter an entire race of beings.

With a resume like that, you might wonder how these courageous warriors could possibly be out of work but it's true. It was obvious at the time that STUDIONAME had every intention of giving these characters their own show, to fully capitalize on the entertainment and merchandising powerhouses they would surely become. Unfortunately, due to a contract dispute between the studio brass and the Masters of the Universe actors, He-Man, Man At Arms and all the rest went on strike. Not wanting to make waves in the industry that opened its arms to them, the Manchines walked out in sympathy. The studio came down hard eventually hiring the scab actors that would help in the production of The New Adventures of He-Man, and bringing about the end of the Classic MOTU characters’ careers. Sadly one of the casualties of this labor strife was the contract of the Manchines. Their dreams of stardom gone before they ever began.
But those dreams don’t have to be over, kind Retro Readers! Through some of my associates in the ranks of the Decepticons, I was able to secure 8 Manchines a job on the set of Transformers Prime. Today they happily serve as emergency pit crew to help repair the damaged Decepticons (and to a lesser extent, the Autobots) in between scenes to help the show transform and roll out with minimum delays. But why stop there? There are virtually hundreds of hard working, bright and nicely polished Manchines out there ready to do their best for Show-Biz! They could do great in the video game industry as retro console systems…they could be spare parts for KITT (HubbyCapp, and PisTom would be especially good for this kind of work…Michael) I could even send a crate of them to The Haunted Projectionist! I’m sure a couple of them are lights or maybe an old movie projector, I’m positive there was at least one popcorn machine in there somewhere.

So please help to spread the word and let’s get these robot creatures some work. Their time to shine is long overdue and these character deserve a TV show! Once they are working in every corner of the entertainment industry people will have to take notice. They will see the hidden gem that has been waiting all this time! They will finally give credit where credit is due, and for once in this cold and bitter world nice guys will finally finish first!…or the Manchines will kill us. They’ll kill us all.

Old-fashioned Christmas of the future

A Claymation Werewolf Digital Digest Exclusive!

        Seasons greetings Coo-Coo Cola cult members! In our first of a series of recently discovered News Reels, allow me to present a transcription of one that’s especially suitable for this time of year! I now bring you “An Eternian Christmas”!

        Dateline 4400. Eternia. It’s that time of year once again and all of country has began to busy itself with preparations for a real old-fashioned Eternian Christmas. Now let’s take a look at how Citizens across the country are preparing for this very special holiday season.

        In the Shadow Swamps of the Southern Bog Lands, the annual harvest of the Christmas Flash Bushes have already begun and word is we’ve got a bumper crop this year! Our hardy crew of Moss Men Workers have been pulling double shifts selecting only the finest bushes and very few Moss Men have been eaten this year! Oops, spoke too soon! heh heh! Remember boys, it’s important to distinguish the difference between the festive Flash Bush and the man-eating Tarkroot Vine.

        In the Western Desert Lands where the ravages of war rage on, our fighting men, women and monsters... and robots, are helping to keep all of us free to live as we always have. So when your decorating your cozy monster-shaped and/or skeleton-shaped house this year, be sure to remember our boys "over there". Many have continued the tradition of Christmas care packages for the troops and the Eternian soldiers always appreciate a little bit of home, so the ESO is currently requesting Boiled Nighthawk Talons, Biono-Cigars, and of course, Gummy Blardz. Be sure to send our boys some Christmas Presents. As for us, our Christmas wish is that our troops send old Skeletor a "present" of his own!

        Speaking of the ESO, let’s stop in on the annual Christmas concert and this year’s show was a real hum-dinger! It opened with an address to the troops from Gen. Duncan Manatarms. But no worries this time boys! The big cheese wasn’t conducting a surprise inspection! It was all about Peace and Goodwill. He wished everyone and their families the Merriest of Christmases and even promised all the hardworking troops an extra helping of roasted jungle root from the mess hall. Hahaha. Well, so much for goodwill!

        After the official season’s greetings from the military brass, the real show began. The performance opened with the comic stylings of those two court jesters; Orko and RamMan. And were they ever in rare form! After a few new gags, they knocked the crowd dead with their famous "Which Mutant?" routine. You can bet that those two jokesters are headed for big, big things! In fact, they will be hitting the pewter screen next year in their first film "Orko and RamMan meet the Mer-Man". And last, but certainly not least, bringing her own special brand of *ahem* appeal to the festivities, was that super starlet Teela Manatarms. Teela performed several swell numbers, and was more lovely than the picture of her painted on the nose of a Wind Raider. Her show-stopping routine brought all our boys in armor to their feet! You can bet that there were more than a few cat-calls from the half-man half-panthers in the audience when this kitten hit the stage!

        And finally the star on the top of this Christmas tree, an address by our very own kindly ruler Prince Adam! Or should we say San-tor Clause himself! Yes, the prince arrived at the Eternian Capital to bring good tidings to the adoring public. But, it didn’t stop there. Our St. Nick really got into the act, delivering 20 Attack Tracks full of presents and food to the local needy. I don’t mind telling you there was a lot of Christmas spirit in the air that day. Although Prince Adam played the part beautifully, there was no mistaking our mild-mannered monarch. He thinks that just by dawning a disguise that amounts to little more than changing clothes, he can pull the wool over our eyes. Well nothing doing! We Eternians are a little bit sharper than that. You have to wake up pretty early in the morning to fool us!

        There was no word as to where He-man was during the Prince’s presentation, but hopefully he was around somewhere to protect our Prince. After all, while he may be a great and giving ruler word has it that his battle training has not gone as well as it could be.

        So now we say goodbye to another Eternian Christmas. And though it will be another 413 days for the holidays to roll around again, before you know it we’ll all be building bionic snow monsters in the yard and lighting our Flash Bushes once again.

        Until then my friends, from all of us to all of you, keep Christmas in your heart all the year long. Have a Merry Christmas and a very happy 4401!